Blog

London Calling: The Commanders, a Biscuit, and a Mandatory Nap

Fri, Oct 2

This week I typed "tickmaster" into a web browser. On purpose. I was trying to get to Ticketmaster to find the parking pass for the Weird Al show, and I want to be clear that I did it with my whole chest and full confidence, and only afterward did it occur to me that tickmaster is probably not a great website. Nicole had already texted me the ticket. I could not find the parking pass. After a few rounds of this she canceled the transfer and put it in her own wallet, with a sentence that should be engraved somewhere in our house: "fine...ill just do everything." Regular readers know the arrangement. She does everything. I help out.

It got worse. Same week, I asked Claude to find a copycat Taco Bell meat recipe, the kind where you boil the ground beef and mash it with a potato masher until it reaches drive-thru texture, and I pasted the answer straight to my wife without reading it, typo and all. I don't even copy and paste anymore. Well, I do, but that's the only thing I do. I am a meatbag now. I provide nothing of value.

So it means something when I tell you that, for one week only, somebody in a position of power looked at my household and did us a favor.

Somebody Up There Likes Us

Monday, Nicole got the news that next week's UVA game against Syracuse is a 7:30 kickoff. If you've read this site before, you know she runs the President's Box, which means a night game isn't really a game. It's a shift that ends whenever the parking lots empty out. Her review of the situation, in full: "they hate me."

Two minutes later I texted her the one cool thing. The Commanders play at 9:30 a.m. on Sunday. London. Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. For one week, the National Football League has our family's best interests at heart, and I would like that entered into the record.

Saturday, the Footnote

First, UVA plays at Florida State. You may remember that I loved FSU as a kid for reasons that had everything to do with a logo and nothing to do with Florida. I've made my peace with that. I don't have feelings about Florida State anymore. It's a lovely little footnote in my life, the kind you'd skip if you were reading quickly.

I'll be watching at home, or possibly at BWW, because the London game may have bumped the bar crew's weekly summit up to Saturday. Nobody has confirmed this. Everyone is acting like it's confirmed.

Sunday, the Brunch

It's supposed to rain, which is perfect, because we were never going anywhere. A few close friends are coming over for brunch, and the menu will be something fatty involving eggs, sausage, and biscuits. I'm keeping the details vague because the details are going to be "more."

Whether a PBR is appropriate at 9:30 in the morning is a question for people whose team has won something recently.

The game should be over around one. At that point I'll be taking a nap, immediately, and our friends can see themselves out. I love these people. I will love them even more from the couch, alone, with my eyes closed.

The Actual Football

The Colts are solid. In August I called this game a 51% win, "the kind of win that needs a coin flip to feel good about itself," and I'm not going to pretend I know much more now. But their defense has been underperforming, and if we take care of the ball and shut down the run like we've been doing, we're in it. They have Daniel Jones, and Danny Dimes has been a pain in our collective backside since his Giants days. He's just doing it in a different color now.

Write it down: Commanders 20, Colts 17. Another close one. If I'm right, you'll hear about it Monday. If I'm wrong, you'll also hear about it Monday, just quieter.

Marcus Mariota keeps doing the job, and I don't think enough people appreciate how hard it is to walk into a starting role in September and beat the defending champs. Meanwhile Jayden is practicing, traveling with the team, and reportedly told his teammates he won't have surgery because he owes it to them to get back on the field. Jayden is a good dude, and that is exactly what a good dude says, which is the part that worries me a little. I'm no doctor. It's his non-throwing arm, and I honestly don't know what it means to come back on an elbow that's gone out twice. I'd just rather have him in November than for one extra series in October.

Leo Chenal had surgery on his neck this week. He has feeling in all his extremities, and they expect a full recovery. His season is over. The rest of him isn't, and that's what matters.

And Then, Next Week

"Two things in two days" is back, except now it's three things in four days, which is either growth or a cry for help. Weird Al on Thursday, assuming Nicole lets me hold my own ticket. Syracuse under the lights on Saturday. The Giants on Sunday.

About the Giants. Jaxson Dart is out for the year after knee surgery, and since I spent August making fun of his face on this very website, let the record show that I wanted him healthy so I could keep doing it. Get well, young man. In the meantime the Giants traded a fifth-round pick for J.J. McCarthy, which means they bought a quarterback specifically to play us. That's either a desperate franchise or a dangerous one. With the Giants it has always been both.

Nicole's schedule hates her. My browser hates me. But for one rainy Sunday in October, the NFL looked at a man in Charlottesville and decided he deserved biscuits and a nap. Twenty to seventeen. Hail.